it’s late

Some nights I stay up late just because my life isn’t complete. 

As if I were waiting for something to happen.

The important thing. 

Although I’m never quite sure what it is.

Dreamy music doesn’t help me feel any more prosaic. 

!

GUYS.

You know that book review blog I wanted to start with darling early 20th century obscure books?

 

WELL I FOUND IT.

I’m kind of dizzy with excitement right now.  All these books to read.

 

 

Of celebrations of Life and Birthdays

I feel incandescently happy.  I love that word.  It makes me think of Elizabeth Bennet, of course, but it also makes me think of all the happy, beautiful, good things in the world.

After all, I’m not sure if I feel quite incandescent.  More homey and contentedly happy.  Which is almost better.   They’re both a Yellow kind of happy, but they’re completely different shades.  Incandescent is a light, wispy ethereal yellow, that’s sort of like pale sea green but almost better.  And the contented sort of happy is a warm, mellow buttery yellow like my new shirt.

Sunshine and heat.

My friends.

My cousin.

The books I love.

God.

Tenth Avenue North

NarniaWeb

My 18th birthday.

College.

My Future.

They’re all exciting, it’s true!  And I’m glad that I can be excited.  I’ll tell you a secret.  I’m excited about my birthday! I always and forever want to be excited about my birthday.  I think it’s silly that people can grow out of birthdays.  I want people to celebrate mine the way I try to celebrate theirs.  I don’t want them to gloss over or forget it or take it for granted-it’s selfish yes, but I like to be celebrated!  It makes me feel loved.  And Yellow.

I’m going to be 18.  That’s scary.